Optics and Exposure

Why so serious?

After months upon months of anticipation, teasers, trailers, reviews, and excited discussions with my friends, I went to see The Dark Knight on Saturday. I was home in Florida for a vacation, and decided on a matinee with a friend from high school, in hopes of avoiding the worst of the crowds.

My hopes were high, and I have nothing but praise for the portrayals of Batman (Christian Bale) and the Joker (Heath Ledger). My friend pointed out that Harvey Dent’s (Aaron Eckhart) transformation was a little hard to believe, as they did not show much actual chemistry between his character and his girlfriend/fiancee, Rachel Dawes (Maggie Gyllenhal). Having been a fan of the animated series when I was a child, however, I was well aware of how his transformation happened in the lore of DC Comics, and did not need much convincing of why and how he fell from the shining District Attorney to the tortured character known as Two Face.

But I’m not writing today to review the Dark Knight. I’m writing about the adventure I had the following morning. I had a 9am flight back to Pittsburgh on Sunday, so my father made plans to leave our house at 7:15 in order to take me to the airport. I planned on packing up my bags before heading to bed, but was foiled in this attempt by a somewhat foolish desire to watch a few 5-minute episodes of Red vs. Blue first. I woke up at 6:45am, in a panic that my bags were not packed.

I feverishly put in my contacts, brushed my teeth, dressed and packed my bags in plenty of time. Finishing a full 5 minutes before we planned to leave. And then I noticed one errant detail. I could not find my wallet. My parents and I spent the next 20 minutes frantically searching the house, before concluding that my wallet had to have fallen out of my pocket at the theater. I knew I had it there, because I used it to buy my tickets, and I had not used it or remembered seeing it since.

Unfortunately, we called the theater and no one answered (several times, in fact). My dad looked online and saw that their first movie was at 9:00 Sunday morning…the same time as my flight. It might be cutting it close, but we decided to hop in the car and hope that someone was there early prepping the theater that could help.

As we pulled up to the theater at 7:50, we saw other cars pulling in. Relief! It’s open! But then, we noticed a sign someone was putting down at the entrance to the parking lot for a church that apparently meets in one of the theaters on Sundays. Suddenly I was not so optimistic. The main doors to the theater were locked, but I saw a side door propped open, which the church used as an entrance directly to their rented screen. I went in that door, into a hallway, and took a guess at a side door that, miraculously, was unlocked and let me into the lobby. At this point, I thought of Dane Cook’s comedy bit about doing a “B&E” (short for breaking and entering), and how it was his childhood dream to commit one. I didn’t exactly break the door open, but the humor wasn’t lost on me.

Regal 20 Cinemas

I could not see anyone, so I went over to the customer service counter. It had shoulder high counter tops, so I hopped up and looked behind them. I couldn’t see my wallet anywhere, just computers and a few stacks of 2-way radios. I was a little disheartened but not ready to give up. I sprinted to the screen we had watched the Dark Knight in and checked under the seat I had occupied…no luck. I knew that was a long shot, as they clean between screenings, and that particular room had at least 2 more showings after ours on Saturday.

By this time, I was growing desperate. We still had to drive at least 30 minutes to the airport, and I wanted to make sure my bag would make it on the plane, and that I’d make it through security in time. I ran back to the customer service counter and, without breaking stride, hopped up to a low section in the middle (waist high), and jumped over into the small alcove behind. I saw a bucket of obvious lost items, and searched through the odd-smelling pile of clothing, hats, backpacks, and shoes. Shoes? How did that one happen?

Still determined, I began searching drawers. Fully expecting them all to be locked, I discovered that every single drawer was unlocked (this is partially why I’m not telling you the name of the theater…I’d rather not be responsible for giving anyone bad ideas). I began searching the drawers one by one, finding more radios, notebooks with procedural manuals, tickets and passes, a locked box that I assume holds cash, and the desktop powering all of the monitors on the counter. When I was half through, I saw someone in a theater uniform walk in, a teenage girl. I asked if she knew where the lost and found was. She jumped, not expecting anyone to be behind the counter, mumbled something about her manager, and walked off. Apparently unconcerned that a customer was rooting around in their drawers. A few drawers later, I found it. I pulled open a thin drawer and saw several wallets and cell phones, and in the front was mine. A very distinctive, translucent plastic credit card and bill holder, called a Jimi. Success!

Jimi, the most distinctive wallet you will ever own.

I planted my hand on the low spot in the counter, and hopped over with both feet. I sprinted outside to my dad’s car, holding it in the air. He shouted “You got it?” and I responded “Yeah, let’s go!” We pulled out at 8:00 (it had felt like 20 minutes inside the theater, not 10). We drove to the airport, my mom thankfully finishing the rosary we had started when we left our house, and arrived at 8:20. I checked my bag, got through security in relative ease, and walked up to the gate just as they were calling my zone to board. The timing could not have been more perfect.

Pause for a moment and see how this must have looked on the security cameras. I walk in the entrance for the church, but don’t go in their theater. Instead I open and unlocked door into the lobby, root around the customer service desk frantically, sprint down to a theater, sprint back and vault over the counter before opening every single drawer back there. When I find what I’m looking for, I sprint to the “get away” vehicle waving it over my head. Hmm…

Hopefully they don’t run my Dad’s plates and show up at his house to ask him a few questions.

-aigulf